old-age-ing

i've always been one of the "cool" young-30-somethings.  ask anyone who has spent time with me the past 5 years, and i'm sure no one will object to that claim.  i'm cool.  i rock.  yeah \m/

lately, i have been wondering how it would be like to be old and 50.  or 60. (i'm not yet sure if i like the idea of still being alive at 70.  though fine, getting wrinkly sounds better than being dead. or does it?)  but frankly, i have never felt my real age until this week. 33 shouldn't be too bad, right? this week proved that it's not good either.

before i went to law school, i vowed to myself that no matter how heavy the class work would be, i wouldn't kill my social life just to become a lawyer, despite working full time.  when i was reviewing for the bar, i made sure i went out & had fun twice or thrice a week to stay sane.  when i had rauf, hanging out with friends at least once a week (it didn't matter how many. one would do.) was a must.  when i was busy with this year's elections, we would still drink at the hq while working on our contact lists.  and after the boss won before-the-SONA, oh boy, the late night outs were so much fun.  my friends really didn't care if i'd get to join the gimiks late, as long as i made it.

so i went away for just two weeks for a reprieve from work (among other more important reasons), and when i came back, i found and have been finding it more and more difficult to rally the friends for our usual late-nighters in hub/morato.  i wonder what went wrong when i left.  or did things just become right in my friends' worlds? i wonder... (no, i will never admit to being the bad influence in their lives. never. hahaha.)

last week, after a week of being a full-time mommy to my sick toddler, it took me two tries before i found my friends/usual drinking buddies.  this week, which turned out to be a manageable week at work, i tried thrice. THREE TIMES, and i never got anyone to join me.  and poor, lonely me had no choice but to go home and watch tv, since i never drink alone.

it's not their fault.  i think it's me.  maybe i should be happy with being able to rest/relax/"recreate" just once a week, like most people.  it's not their fault that they're old. (hahaha)  it's my fault that i'm cool this way.

or maybe i should find younger friends.  

ha.

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this post is dedicated to the friends who never had the heart to say no to me before. haha. you know who you are, you uncool flakers.  RAGE, RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT!!! hahaha!