the heavenly bodies

arlene sent this to me at the height of her post-op boredom:

YOUR SUN SIGN & MOON SIGN COMBINED

The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign
indicates a nature that, while being somewhat discriminating, is very
sociable and magnetic. People respond to your likable personality with
few reservations. You have a good sense about want is modern and
progressive, and you're always eager to play an important role in any
kind of progress. But in fact, you are not an especially tolerant
person. Holding to the establishment more as a reactionary than a
liberal is more than likely your style. While you work well with the
public, there is a tendency within you to feel that everyone should
fend for themselves. You are not one to be particularly charitable to
those less fortunate than yourself. This factor notwithstanding, you
have innate social skills allowing you to make each person you meet
feel that they are uniquely important to you. You have a noble air
about you that is impressive and seems to signal that you have a good
deal of self-esteem. A certain aristocracy of breeding is denoted by
this position. This impresses those with whom you come in contact and
they respect you for this. You are quick to judge people and
situations, as your whole life seems to moves at a pretty rapid pace.
You are romantic and highly idealistic. This is a good placement for
material success and well-being, and for some degree of public
recognition.

of life & living it to the fullest

"...What I think is, it's never
 too late...or, in my case, too
 early, to be whoever you want to
 be...There's no time limit, start
 anytime you want...change or stay
 the same...there aren't any
 rules...We can make the best or
 worst of it...I hope you make the
 best...I hope you see things that
 startle you. Feel things you
 never felt before. I hope you
 meet people who have a different
 point of view. I hope you
 challenge yourself. I hope you
 stumble, and pick yourself up. I
 hope you live the life you wanted
 to...and if you haven't, I hope
 you start all over again."

     - from the last letter of benjamin button to his daughter, caroline

reminiscing 3 years past

lifted from my old blog, circa 2006:

feb was a good month.

i got to go home to leyte to help in the region-wide medical & surgical mission. i also met up with a few grade school classmates while i was there. i thought i now am a totally different person from the girl/woman/she-devil that i was more than a year back, only to realize that the propensity (not to save) just still might be there. (whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, i just don't know.) and, yes, i likewise discovered that just like stella, the groove is still within me. hahaha.

i want to be stella.  again.  or i'd like to believe i still am a 'stella.'

three years down and the feeling lingers...

smiles

the most simple yet unexpected surprise can make a big difference.

thank you, you.

:)

for daddy (the "lawyer-daughter" perspective)

i actually just blogged about it a few days ago... that i remember when i was a kid, i would park myself at your desk at our house in st. michael, grab some sheets of long bond paper from your stack, pick out the shortest affidavit i could copy from your files, then re-type the whole document on your old trusty typewriter.  you would hover over me, telling me to use the proper fingers to touch-type, and i would make a face at you and tell you that my left small finger just wasn't strong enough to type the letters A, Q & Z.  then you would say, "if you really want to become a lawyer, you'll have to learn how to touch-type."  i eventually did in high school, and i remember you were so happy when i showed you i could.

then you brought me to court with you, and i was so happy on the trip to ormoc, i really wasn't listening to your warnings:  behave. don't walk about.  listen.  when the judge comes in, you'll have to stand, etc. etc.  so when the judge entered the courtroom, you had to look behind to remind me to stand, even if you were in front, at the lawyer's area.  then this lawyer started speaking in barok english, and i laughed out loud.  you killed it with a piercing glare, telling me to shut up and just observe.  (though i also remember clearly that the judge smiled when i laughed.)  after the hearing, i asked you: "how did that guy become a lawyer?  he doesn't speak english well!!! why didn't he just speak in bisaya?"  you just laughed and told me that english is the language of the law.

some of my friends believe that we have decided to be lawyers because of what we saw, heard and experienced while we were growing up as children of lawyer-/judge-/fiscal-parents.  i agree with them, but i also know that at the end of it all, no matter how much you were pushing me to go to law school right after college, you let me be when you saw i was struggling with my decision.  to go or not to go.  to stay corporate or go back to school.  eventually, you were right.  i guess i really was meant to go to law school, and be a lawyer, and i'm glad that until now, you haven't ever told me "i told you so."

you were very strict with me while i was growing up, and to get back at you and mommy, i know i was a little she-devil at times.  but you were forthright and decisive:  you did what you thought was best for me, without really making me feel that i had no say on any matter.  and for that i will always be thankful.  you made me believe i was making my own decisions, picking my own choices, making my own friends... yet you were always there to guide me on and to the right path.  so if those were really my decisions and my choices, i don't really know.   but i'm not complaining (anymore).

the adult you made me become boded well for me when you literally left me alone to face the harsh life in college.  i got what i wanted, hook, line and sinker, and you were so sure of the person that i already was, i never felt any distrust and doubt from you, only full support and encouragement for the many things i did and enjoyed in college.  thanks, dad.  UP was my decision, ateneo was yours.  and look where i am now... a happy, contented UP alumna who has never, ever, ever regretted her decision to pull out her application papers from ateneo. hehehe.

i know i broke your heart yet again when i went to UP Law.  the blue in you couldn't accept my decision, but the maroon in me convinced you that this was the best for me.  and again, you let me be... of course with the requisite challenge that i would have to pass the bar on my first try, like you.  of course i did.  (i couldn't risk not passing.  i wouldn't have dared give you fodder for your endless blue-is-infinitely-better-than-maroon campaign! hehe.)

for the record, i know i passed criminal law because of you.  who would have thought that that exact section of 9165 would come out?  thank you for telling me to memorize that provision (though it was completely gone from my head during the actual exam).  and unlike my father who is well-known as a good criminal lawyer back home, i hate crim law to bits.

well now here we are, both of us older and wiser... but of course you'll always be older than me.  wiser... i don't know.  definitely you'll always be more experienced.  and most definitely, an infinitely better, tried, tested lawyer.  sige na, i know i've been a very good, dutiful daughter, the best i can ever be.  and since i'm the only one who's taken up law so far, i'm your only child who has followed in your footsteps, and for that alone, i know i'm a notch higher than them all. (evil grin)

seriously, dad, i meant what i said... you'll always be my hero.  and i'll always be your number one fan.  i've never said this, not in the last five years or so i think, but i am very, very blessed to be your daughter, and i'm really lucky to have you as a dad.  we've had our moments, but we're velcro-ed together like two peas in a pod, anyone would know that you are the greatest influence in my life.

yes, you are.  and i'll always be grateful. 

a night with friends, UP style

edy, a lawschool batchmate (dapat. pero hindi e. hehe.), was in congress yesterday & she asked me if i wanted to check out the up fair.  i was in corporate attire so i told her i wasn't appropriately dressed for a rock concert.  so we decided to have dinner with malen, another lawschool classmate who also works in congress.

over dinner, we talked about some of our college & law school friends, politics (but of course), botched-up cases that were or are hogging the headlines (the effect of filing a demurrer to evidence without leave of court is "elementary" for law students!) and how it's time to start giving back to our former alma maters, given that for me & edy, it's been 15 years since our high school graduations.  (gahhh...)  that also led us to conclude that somehow, the paths we've taken have relatively allowed us to move a notch higher in life. 

kumbaga, at the very least, we've reached that point where we can safely say that we've made something out of ourselves somehow. :)  gone were the days when we would scrimp on our measly monthly allowances in college, when we had to use the water heater and dip it into a tabo for us to "cook" instant noodles (payless was the cheapest.  and wala pang cup noodles nun!), when bar hopping in malate meant ordering ONE beer per bar-with-free-entrance just so you wouldn't get kicked out, when we didn't have cars and would only ride in taxis if your friends would chip in...

but at the end of it all, we have stayed the same.  the probinsyanas who went through some-kinda-hell and back, and have successfully weathered the storms that have passed through our respective lives.  we know that wherever the winds bring us, we're good to go.  we know the world is ours to conquer for more adventures, more challenges.  life is great.

- - -

despite my inappropriate outfit, sans heels, wryl, malen & i decided to check out the up fair.  rock night?  up fair?  who would dare miss it? 

we parked our cars at the law parking lot and when i needed to use the banyo, guess who used the "alumni ako" magic to get the security guard to open the men's comfort room in malcom hall?  (wag na umangal. he only had keys to the men's cr. haha. and my gosh, may tubig na umaawas sa faucets!!! yahoo! hehehe.)  spending 10 years of your life in up has its perks.

so we trekked to the sunken garden.  (imagine kung natuloy yung dating plan na bawal na mag-fair sa sunken?  e di mas grabe pa ang reminiscing namin nun!!! hehe.)  while we were walking, sandwich played "betamax."  coolness. (i love that song. super can relate. haha.)

some alumni (that's what they said) had secondhand books for sale, and the bookworm in me found two books i couldn't resist (amsterdam by ian mcewan & a book of sappho's poetry.  yes, gf, the latter one is for you.).  a lot of people were watching (more like listening, actually, kasi they put up really big tarps to 'hide' the stage from both sides) the concert outside the grounds.  when we saw the really long lines and checked out the list of bands, we just decided to make tambay outside the grounds, like those who were 'watching'.

after buying balut and water, we decided to park ourselves at one of the benches fronting malcolm.  kahit malayo, we could see the band playing and the whole crowd inside the grounds.  we really couldn't believe the number of people inside on a tuesday night.  when i was in UP, we would usually go to the fair on tuesdays or wednesdays, konti lang tao then, and we could sit on the grass and just listen and watch the bands play.  (i never went on a valentine's night. cheesy.)  the three of us all had our own share of experiences during fair week, and definitely, the big crowd there last night wasn't one of those.  10pm pa lang, may nag-bo-body surf na. kids these days...

maraming tao, obviously maraming dayo (at the fishball stand outside the grounds, two teenagers asked the manang: "may red horse ba kayo?" hahaha.), so the "oldies" (us) were quite content watching from afar.  we laughed when one of the bands said "o, old school muna tayo ha!" and promptly played "summer of '69" by bryan adams.  of course i sang along.

we waited until ely buendia (with his new band, pupil) sang "disconnection notice."  it was after midnight and it was time to go.

alcohol-free but happily drugged with good food, great conversations, yosi and rock music...  yes, it was my first ever up fair night without alcohol.  and i wasn't complaining.

25 random things

9 people tagged me on facebook so i had to do this... and since i spent some precious internet & "me" time doing this, might as well post it here on multiply too :)

- - -

this is totally random, but i'm not sure if these are "new" to all of you...

1.  when i was a kid, i would "play lawyer" and park myself at my dad's desk.  i would get a real affidavit or pleading, and re-type the whole thing.  then i would get his notarial seal, affix it on the page, and sign it myself.

2.  i can get hooked on (video?) games.  i wouldn't sleep until i got the highest score or reached the highest level.  it's a personal thing.  when i was pregnant, i finished chocolatier in less than 24 hours. without sleeping. (poor rauf in my tummy. hehe.)

3.  when i was in grade three, i loved the hardy boys, bobbsey twins & nancy drew, in that order.  i would go to our backyard and play detective, looking for clues and silly stuff.

4.  my cousins & i named our compound when the houses there began to sprout.  when the mother house was complete, we told everyone that we would name the lot the "dumas compound."  the name stuck.  now i wonder why we didn't think of naming it something more exotic, like "casa de maria" or something. hehe. kids.

5.  music is my soul.  i can't do anything right without music in the background.

6.  i can remember the song playing in the background when i was writing my high school boyfriend my "final breakup" letter. hehe. (can't cry hard enough)

7.  i would have been the eldest of 10 siblings.  my brother, jp, who came after me, died two weeks after he was born. then mom had 2 miscarriages.  7 is the magic number :)

8.  "carpe diem" became my life philosophy when i got hooked on dead poets society.  i realized it fit me to a "T".

9.  photography, art & learning to play the drums still elude me.  i want to get into them but i haven't found the time, or the extra money.  priorities, priorities...

10.  i have stayed good friends with the close friends i found throughout all my years in school... grade school, high school, college, law school.  these are the people who matter.

11.  my family and i... we're velcro-ed together.  glued is harsh... :)

12.  i will never forget what my mom told me back in high school:  "you're charming.  don't just think you're pretty because that's too superficial."  hence, i have never believed i'm beautiful. or pretty. just charming. oh, and sexy. haha.

13.  i learned to drink red horse during my bar review.  since drinking sessions were few & far between (eh?), i had to drink really strong, dark beer to 'maximize' my drinking time.

14.  during my younger years, i loved to dance on the ledge or go up and groove with the band.  and that was when i could dance for the whole set, non-stop.  i really didn't care! hehehe.  i don't do that anymore, though, unless i feel comfortable with the whole crowd.  (i sound so old)

15.  i went to a bar & tried drinking alone just to know what it feels like.  it was a little lonely, but fun. hehe.

16.  the only foreign cities where i've actually felt discriminated upon were in venice and rome.  on the vaporetto in venice, marielle & i were the only ones who were asked to present our tickets.  and in rome, a filipino actually told us straight to our faces:  "don't spin me a story of you being here on vacation.  i'm sure you're planning to stay illegally." duh...

17.  when i was in law school, my apartment was the official halfway house for those who wanted to eat, hang out, drink, watch tv/videos, sleep & stay over.  i miss my old apartment.  those were the days.  (in hindsight, yes, we rarely studied there. haha.)

18.  i'm renting the townhouse where we're staying now, only because i got it before my family decided to migrate to the city.  so when people ask me if i live with my parents, i tell them, "my parents live with me." haha.

19.  back in high school, we used to think we were living our lives "beverly hills 90210"-style.  i was shannon. haha.

20.  i grew up in a strict home.  i had a chaperone during my high school prom.  i always had curfews.  so when i was a freshman in college, i didn't complain about the 10pm curfew at kalayaan (the freshman dorm).  10pm was waaaay better than 6pm!!!

21.  i love europe.  i will go back there someday.

22.  i have a never-ending love affair with new york city.  i still believe i'm meant to live there.

23.  rauf will be his own man... and i will make sure he will grow up well.

24.  i've been working in congress since october 1999.  do the math.  and i never expected to stay this looooooong. hehe.

25.  i can watch 5 movies, straight, without any breaks.  or a whole season of a series.  but this was all before i had rauf.  there are some things in life you have to give up or control when greater, bigger responsibilities call. :)