for my best sister

(because you're my only sister. haha.)

i love you for being you... bratty, fashionable, kikay, maarte.  yes, you are my exact opposite but i still love you.  mainly out of having no choice, i guess. haha.  we've had our moments, but i'd like to believe they all happened and continue to happen because a balance must be struck between our two colliding worlds, our different but parallel lives.

i only wish the best for you.  

that you find your real calling, that one profession you will be happy to perform day in & day out, without any qualms about the must-bes and must-haves.  

that you find your elusive one true love... or have numerous exciting trial-and-errors in the process.

that you get to travel and see the world with your own eyes... and that your eyes will still be good enough by then.

that you never change in how malambing you are with daddy, and how loving you are with rauf, and how a bitch you are to me.

that you find your real self. the real dwan.  and live happy, free & really, truly ALIVE.

happy birthday, LTW (lovely tita wawaw)!!! :)

farewells

after six years in the "province" of fairview, we are moving back to the diliman republic tonight. 

so i'm saying goodbye to this area for now...  and in honor of the big move, i decided to spend a few hours at my "batcave" that is the read n brew coffee shop, just at the back of the cathedral.

this has been my personal place for so long.  when i was recovering from my delivery, i would come here to think and be by myself, and somehow, much of my "me" time i decided to spend here.  their coffee isn't too good, but boy, they have free wifi.  when i don't feel like surfing anymore but still want to hang out, they have good books to browse through.  anyone who knows me can attest that those things keep me sane:  coffee, wifi, books, cigs.  and quality tambay time by my lonesome.

i know i will find my own new "me" place soon.  diliman, after all, has been my playground for so long that no matter where i live, it's one place i will always know like the back of my hand.  i wonder if there's free wifi somewhere around the "ma-" streets area.  i'm sure there is, i just need to hop around and re-stake my claim on the territory.  when all else fails, i know there's free wifi at technohub :)

so hello up, matalino and maginhawa... i'm so baaaaack. 

and to fairview and rnb, thanks for the temporary space you allowed me to have.

moving on just sounds so right. i am hopeful.

rhetorics & comedy

"mr. speaker, can we request that we go home now?"
-session, 12 may 2009

"mr. speaker, i notice that it is getting cold in the session hall.  is it because of the absence of warm bodies?"
-session, 13 may 2009

i got a kick out of hearing these statements.  so the bosses can either be preschoolers, or they can be trying-hard-literati.

somehow staying late in the office has its perks. 

now that i'm a mother

... it shames me to say that i DO appreciate my mommy even more.

we used to fight like cats & dogs (well, we still do), so we weren't really close while i was growing up.  i used to think she loved my siblings more than i... after being her lone brat for 6 years, suddenly, i had to share her with dwan, and then niccolo, and then bullet, and later, with lian, then with brikko, and finally, with seal.

and now, sometimes, i feel like i'm sharing rauf with her too.  but what else can i do. (just kidding, ma.) i was knocked out from anesthesia, so she was the first female rauf got a whiff of. hehe.

my mommy has given up her own life and having her own career to be the MOST PERFECT IMPERFECT MOM there can ever be.  she does her best at motherhood, and i'd like to think that i'm the best appendix she can use as evidence to bolster that claim. (ehem.)  kidding aside, my mom has raised us all well.  she chose us over having her own career, and she continues to do her best at raising & guiding us. 

she deserves more than a post like this.  she deserves daily hugs and kisses, and smiles, and comforting words, and trips. (oh. if you know my mom, she's like me. she can't stay put in one place. yes, itchy toes runs in the blood.)  and yes, she deserves so much more than what we, her kids, give her each day.

i sound like i'm sorry for a lot of heartaches i made her go through, and still go through... and yes, i'm really sorry.  i guess i'm also the most perfect imperfect daughter she has.  but i try. i will try.  and maybe, just maybe, i'll be the most perfect imperfect mommy to rauf. and even more.

i guess it's the best gift and vow i can offer to you, mommy.  i will be the mother to rauf as you were with me.  rock music with lullabies, aggressiveness with caring, laughter with tears, bonding moments with bickerings, guidance with a little leeway for rebellion, trips (LOTS of trips) with good food. 

yes, mommy, when it comes to motherhood, you will be the role model i will try to emulate.  even if i know i will never, ever be strong enough to even be half of the mother you are to us, i will try.  rauf deserves a mom like what i have.

i love you mommy!!!

thank you for everything... for every big and little thing.