the sis of a champ :)

"Dad, sorry I just got to charge my phone.  We're okay here.  By the way, champions kami!"
-from my bro, bullet

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yahoooooo!!!!!  the funny thing about bullet is that sometimes, he's too dead-ma about a lot of things. 

like the day before he left, i asked him, "have you packed?"  he answered, "no, tomorrow morning nalang.  afternoon pa man my flight."

then when we were on the way to the airport, i told him, "this is your first trip abroad.  the immigration officer in HK will ask you what you plan to do in their country.  of course you'll say you're an athlete... that you're gonna play.  What's the name of the tournament?"  his reply, "shucks, 'te, i forgot.  it's in my email..."  wahahahahaha!!!! :)

so he left pinas without knowing the real, true name of the ultimate disc tournament he was gonna play in.  dutiful ate that i am, i googled ultimate disc hongkong and found the site of the hongkong ultimate players association, which was hosting the Enter the Dragon 2008 Pan-Asia Ultimate Tournament.  since the dates & schedules of the event matched bullet's kwento, i presumed that that was it.

and now, i'm googling like crazy, looking for any news about bullet's CLAIM of capturing the championship... but heck, i don't care if it doesn't make the news (though it should...). 

i'm mighty darn proud of my bro right now... and had it not been for an out-of-town seminar i'll be attending starting tomorrow, i would go to T3 and wave that philippine flag like crazy when his plane comes in tomorrow, our big warm welcome just for him.  since i can't make it, then this blog will do for now :)

congrats bullet!!!!! mwa!


some pics of bullet posted HERE :)

T3 (this one's for you too, bullet)

the first time i was in T3, we still called it the piatco terminal.  four years ago, i was there with arlene to check out the spanking new waiting-to-be-opened-and-used terminal...  we were there upon the invitation of mean, the PR manager of piatco.  i was so proud that we would finally have an airport terminal we could be proud of!

then today, we went there to see off my brother, bullet, who left for hongkong to compete at the pan-asia ultimate challenge.  (i heard he's one of the best players of ultimate disc in UP... haven't seen him play though.  but of course, i don't need proof!!! hahaha)

it was such a personal sense of fulfillment that i felt when we were walking around... because even if the operations still leave much to be desired, i sure as hell am mighty proud that we are finally using T3.  naia is just tooooo old, and the centennial terminal is tooooo small.  (i'd rather not talk about the old domestic terminal, though my childhood summers would usually find me there, shuttling back and forth between manila & tacloban)  T3 is spanking shiny, modern & "bright"... an airport terminal we can definitely be proud of.

so i got to thinking... bullet's first trip abroad, and he would be competing in a sport he loves with all his heart, and he would be leaving the philippines through/via a shiny, new, modern edifice...  well, that bodes well for his trip, i guess :)

good luck, 'let!!! :)  and have fun there...

present history

"...You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that - everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer..."

-excerpt from Virginia Woolf's letter to Leonard Woolf.  I saw this on the latest blog of a dear friend, and I couldn't resist.  I didn't even ask permission to repost... Thanks Virginia and friend :)

the smell of freedom?

Its not worth anything more than this at all
I live as I choose or I will not live at all

So return to where youve come from
Return to where you dwell
Because harassment's not my forte
But you do it very well

I'm free to decide, Im free to decide
And I'm not so suicidal after all
I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide
And I'm not so suicidal after all (at all, at all)

You must have nothing more with your mind to do
...

So to hell with what you're thinking
And to hell with your narrow mind
You're so distracted from the real thing
You should leave your life behind (behind)

I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide
And I'm not so suicidal after all
I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide
And I'm not so suicidal after all (at all, at all)

I'm free to decide, I'm free to decide
And I'm not so suicidal after all (at all, at all)

At all, at all, at all

-Free to Decide, The Cranberries

circles

you've got me goin' around
going around in circles all the time
falling around like leaves in summertime
i don't know what goes on in my mind
going around in circles
-a song from my high school era (and i can't remember by whom)


pfffffffft.  i want to stop thinking.  for now.

carpe diem-ing

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing
No choices whatsoever

I could be
In someone else's story
In someone else's life
And he could be in mine
I don't see
A reason to be lonely
I should take my chances
Further down the line

-from Chess, the musical
(and shamelessly copied from tina's post.  tenchu, tina!)


i am in deep sh*t and i can't care less. 

this happens everytime we see each other, and this is the first time we've really talked about it.  aminan na kung aminan.  life is short.  we won't stay young forever.  apparently, it wasn't just me.  and it has never been just physical. (though we haven't tried that too.)  with my baby and all, i thought this time would be different.  it wasn't. 

it's as if the skies have opened up, and i can literally see the silver lining.  or at least a hint of it. 

i know i will forever regret it if i don't even give this a chance.  except that i will need to move mountains AND rock a few boats to just even try. 

but i/we will try. 

God help me.

nakakatakot

dati, congressman lang naman ang target ng mga mamamatay tao.  pero mukhang hindi na ngayon.  pati pala staff, pwede na targetin. 

kilala ko si robert dahil pina-akyat ako nun ni may, director ng cluster namin, sa office ni cong. waykurat.  mid-2006 ito, kakapasa ko lang ng bar.  kasi may bakante sa committee on mindanao affairs.  sabi niya, kausapin ko ang mga tao sa opisina ni cong. waykurat, kasi sya yung chairman ng komite.  magpakilala ako, chuvaloo.  ako naman si masunurin, akyat naman.  pakilala, chika-chika.

mabait si robert.  hindi kami close, pero hindi ka-plastikan ang mga sinabi nya sa kin nung araw na una kaming nagkita.  malamang kasi alam niya na matagal na ako sa congress --- kilala nya naman daw ako sa mukha.  (ako, tumango, pero hindi ko talaga sya maalala.)  may mga problema sa komite nung panahon na yun, baka daw ako ang makatulong sa kanila.  eklavu-chenes.  ang ending:  siya din ang nagpakilala sa kin kay cong. waykurat.  at ang totoong ending:  nakuha ko yung posisyon.  salamat sa tulong, robert.

hindi ko alam kung bakit nangyari kay robert ang nangyari kanina.  maraming chismis... pero dahil chismis, hindi natin alam kung ano yung totoo. 

basta ako, alam ko, tunay na tao si robert.  marunong makipag-usap.  hindi nagbibitiw ng pangakong hindi natutupad.  yan ang pagkakilala ko sa kanya.  at ngayon, paalam at pasasalamat na lang ang pwede kong isulat.  dahil wala na siya.

nakakatakot ang nangyari kay robert... dahil kilala ko siya.  dahil staff din ako dati. 

ang pinakanakakatakot na naranasan ko nung staff ako, yung pag-uwi ko, bukas yung pintuan ng apartment ko, naka-kalat lahat ng gamit, pero walang nawala.  yung alam mo na may hinahanap lang.  yung alam mo na hindi pera ang kailangan.  (hindi ko ito pina-blotter, dahil hindi ko pwedeng sabihin kung ano yung suspetsa kong hinahanap nila.  tama sila... inuwi ko yung dokumentong iyon.  pero binalik ko rin sa opisina nung araw din na yun.  kumbaga, na-late sila.  buti nalang.)

hindi ko naisip ng mga panahon na yun na pwede rin palang hindi lang breaking-and-entering ang pinaka-malalang mangyari sa kin.  dahil pwede palang ipatumba din ako, kung na-timing na lumaki yung isyu nung panahon na yun. 

buti nalang okay ako.  pero nakakalungkot at nakakatakot na wala na si robert.  na hindi sya okay.  na meron tayong hindi alam, na alam niya, na yun ang rason kung bakit nangyari sa kanya yun.

nakakatakot talaga.

6 months of motherhood

rauf is six months old today and i endlessly thank God for giving me the greatest blessing i have ever received.

when i look at him, i constantly think that i don't really deserve to be a mom.  many of you know that i was quite apprehensive about his coming.  as is natural, i was worried that i wouldn't be up to par.  i have been an OC-perfectionist for as long as i can remember, and i knew for sure that i wasn't fully-equipped and prepared for motherhood.

six months into mothering rauf, i now know that being a mommy is a continuous learning experience.  probably the greatest learning experience i will ever undergo... and this is for a lifetime.  i'd like to think that rauf & i are growing together.  slowly, surely, and reaching a point where he knows that i'm his mom, and i accept that i can never do everything perfectly when it comes to being a mommy.  but we are both trying to level things off in the best way possible. 

his daddy loves us and is always there for us, but at the end of the day, it's just me and rauf at home.  lola mommy (my mom) is a sneeze away, but i know that rauf is my responsibility.  at night, when he fidgets and shows signs that he's getting sleepy, it's just the two of us, and these are the moments i cherish the most... 

just me and him... rauf and i, the bouncing, fidgety little ball, errr, boy and the mommy who is trying to get most things right.