love letter #5

dear, dear mommy,

 

tomorrow is your birthday, and it will be your first birthday without us.  or our first celebration of your birthday without you...

 

on the upside, you're up there with God and will probably party to your heart's delight with JP and pearl and tita letty (who will probably be scolding you the whole time) and tito rene (who will dote on you as he always did) and lolo and lola and tito budds.  you have your whole rah-rah gang up there!  on the downside, we'll be here. and not with you... but that's alright, ma. don't fret.  we're still gonna celebrate. all 7 of us and your beloved apo and your loyalist delia (with her crew). hehe.

 

thank you for letting me know how you are.  i was talking to you that night and then i fell asleep, and for the first time ever, you appeared in my dreams.  you were so beautiful in your white flowing dress and looked like you've lost your wrinkles.  heaven becomes you, ma, and i'm happy.  i loved how you hugged me so tight, and that you were smiling the whole time.  

 

ma, i miss you.  i miss fighting with you over every little thing, especially in the mornings before leaving for work, and at night when i'd get home late reeking of beer & yosi.  i miss your husky voice when you were making lambing, and your shrilly voice when you were mad.  i miss your kakulitan, and the numerous blank texts you used to send accidentally because you refused to wear eyeglasses for fear that people would think you were old na.  i miss how overprotective you were of rauf and seal, and how often you fought with dwan and lian.  i miss your plants (our apartment has none), your garden, your flowers, your knick-knacks... i miss you.  i miss every little thing about you.  i guess that will never go away, 'no? i will always miss you.  i will always wonder how things would be going right now had you not left... sigh. enough.

 

so tomorrow, dwan & i will literally bring color back into our lives.  black and white and gray will now be splashed with my red (yes! i missed my red stuff!) and dwan's yellow and pink... there's this part of me that just wants to keep this whole wardrobe, and just bring the red back, and wear those colors forever (like my trademark or something. haha. as if.), but i will never forget the way you used to frown at the contents of my cabinet, telling me my clothes lacked color and "life".  still, i will put my foot down on the florals.  i miss you, but i will NOT wear pink or yellow flowery outfits. ewwwww. that won't be me anymore. hehehe.

 

see you tomorrow, ma. i'll be in the red-dest outfit i can find (that won't be smelling like it's been in the cabinet for 100 years).  i'll see if i can wear a flower for you.  rauf will blow your birthday candle, and we'll all sing you the birthday song while you smile at us from heaven.

 

we love you. always. forever.

 

love,

 

plang

 

ps. thanks for the heavenly intervention/s. arlene noticed how everything about & around us appear to be blessed. all thanks to YOU! :D and i hope you read malen's greeting.  i cried while reading it. oh well. nothing i couldn't handle... ;) maaram ka man, praktisado na pagtinuok. hehehe. hugs, ma!!! 

love letter #4

dearest mommy,

 

wow... how fast time flies.  in a few weeks we'll be celebrating your birthday, and days after that, your anniversary.  i'm sorry we haven't finalized things... and the way things look, we need to keep the guest list short.  would you prefer the bongga birthday or the bongga anniv?  it can't be both bongga, and it can't be a joint celebration.  we're keeping in mind what you would have wanted, so we know we have to celebrate at least one of them.  or maybe, at the end of it all, it'll just be us who'll gather and pray and celebrate.  what do you think? malipong man...

 

it's been almost a year, and we know we've practically done things on our own, by ourselves.  and i'm sure you're pretty proud of all of us right now... bullet is waiting for the results of his competition to get into music camp, but we already celebrated his getting into the luzon short-list (he's the MAN!); seal made it to rank #2 of his class (yesssss); brikko successfully battled sore eyes without infecting anyone else in the house; lian goes to school regularly (or at least asks baon regularly. hehehe.); nikko is on-track with his thesis (cross your fingers, ma. this is it!); dwan finally found 'the one' (for now. haha. kidding, uyab-ni-wawan!); rauf mimics everything we say and is getting his ABCs right despite my constant absence from the house (thanks to tito bullet!); and the career wish i made with the september deadline was granted, among other things that has made our september really, really good so far... 

 

how i wish you were here to celebrate these blessings and successes God and the Fates have been showering on all of us, little by little... but i think it's also opportune that you're up there while all this is happening down here.  for sure, you're whispering to the-Powers-that-Be and making sure we're all taken cared of.  thank you, Mommy... 

 

speaking of help, if we'd only known how fast you'd help out, i really, really think dwan & i should have made you this request a long time ago... "ps.  Mommyyyyy, don't forget the teeny-weeny happy-happy request that dwan & i asked from you ha... don't mind nikko's objections :) hahaha!" [from love letter #3]  right now i am left wondering if this is your idea of a good joke, or you giving us the peace sign, or just letting us feel that, yes, we cannot lack for anything more (for now) considering the names of the, uhm, respective partners you've thrown our way.  but really, mom, it's kinda funny-sick and way too weird.  the boys are getting a good laugh out of it, and dwan and i are left speechless.  but again, thanks.  you continue to make wonders in our lives even when you've gone on ahead of us...

 

tomorrow is the last day of barops, and this sunday will be salubong 2011.  i will never forget how you never missed a salubong...  how you would go to the UP salubong area and play nice to the law students in-charge of the salubong materials so you could get UP pennant flags, or fans, or balloons.  and to most, salubong 2010 was the last time most of our friends saw you alive... hay... i hope i don't cry on sunday. nikko will be with me naman, for sure.

 

we always miss you, Mommy... see you on sunday ha Taft? :)

 

i love you forever,

 

plang

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originally posted on my facebook notes; 24 September 2010