beginnings

moving to a new house and setting it up for me, my son and my other housemates has been taking too much of my time and money, if not my mind.  but it's been an exciting week of moving stuff and cleaning and arranging furniture and ordering (affordable) appliances... the expensive stuff can follow later.  as long as everything works well, we're good to go for rauf's homecoming by the end of the week.  finally, i will get to sleep beside my son!!! wahooooo!!!

- - -

as icing on the cake, i am 2 hours shy of being smoke/nicotine-free for TWO DAYS.  i have not been experiencing any major withdrawal symptoms, except that there's a slight floaty-float-empty-feeling in my head.  no pain, just space. 

and i have been eating a lot.  i hope my body adjusts in a week. then i can start the new fitness regimen to the new me!  i'll be attending my first bellydancing class this saturday... i'm sure mommy would be happy to see me & dwan doing something together other than just shopping and drinking. hehehe.  next step, jogging with e.  good luck to me!

- - -

after the dust settles and we properly send off Mommy on her 40th day, maybe, just maybe, i will have time to sit back, think and plan.  and act.

for now, living and being and breathing and surviving is enough.

to thrive and flourish... that will follow. i am so sure it will follow.

;)

forms

three days after burying Mommy, i had to rush to the office to begin (and hopefully finish) collecting and collating the requirements i needed to attach to my scholarship application. 

it was october 28, the day i was supposed to leave for LA, and i couldn't help but be wistful of the fact that Mommy, the ever-supportive mother hen that she was, had been very excited and proud of me just three months before for getting my US visa on my own merits... even if i was grieving and faced with A MOUNTAIN (RANGE) of problems, i knew i had to face the music and fire away that application.  not for me, but for Mommy, who, i was sure, would not give me the end of day for giving up two opportunities for overseas travel in only one week.

so there i was, re-typing the whole application form because i couldn't tweak the .doc file and couldn't encode in the .pdf file, when i found it difficult to touch type...

mother's name... occupation: (big pause. tears roll down my cheeks...) DECEASED.

i called up my sister and couldn't get her on her cell. i texted her and e. 

and then i cried.

then i typed again...

and i just remembered to blog about this because i got a reminder today from personnel to submit my medical certificate to the sponsoring organization for them to process my application.

sigh.

i can't go to the hospital, ANY hospital, to get my lab tests done.

cannot.  will not.

not. just. yet.

refugee

because i dared to fight back and choose truth over (another, bigger) denial, i was ceremoniously kicked out of our house last thursday. Ceremoniously, because there was a 'decree' posted on the wall by my bedroom door, 'ordering' me to leave the house, for reasons which lady Justice, i am sure, will not even find acceptable.

After all, i pay a bigger share of the rent, and 1/3 of electricity & water & phone bils, and the monthly cable dues, and the yaya, and the helper. And more and more and more...

But this fight doesn't need THAT war, so i just chose not to go back to that house after work that day. And i am never going back to that house either, lest i myself be subject to another war which can just totally distract me from the real fight. But i digress...

So the fact of the matter is, i am homeless, while rauf spends this 'forced' quality time with his dad. After months of not supporting him, this decision was really a big 'gift' of sorts. Yes, i digress again. anyway, i have lots of friends who can let me stay over at their homes/ apartments/ units, but there is one little, cozy batcave in quezon city where i have constantly sought and previously found asylum.

And now, i have been granted temporary asylum, as usual, complete with all the amenities, space & perks the batcave & the Queen Bee have to offer.

So thank you, YOU. The most royal & kindest of bees also has the biggest heart i know.

And don't worry. We are scouring every nook & cranny of this, our beloved city, hoping against hope that we find OUR new playground, on a street & city address & with neighbors we can stomach.

Like her Queen Bee, this little fighter still has royal blood & personal interests to protect, after all. A refugee she may be, but an informal settler, never.

;-)

grateful

Thank you very much, from the bottom of our hearts, for condoling with us in the wake of the sudden demise of our beloved Mommy, Ma. Pamela Martillo Dumas.

Your prayers, visits, flowers, messages, financial support and companionship in our time of grief have helped, and continue to help, us survive this tragic moment in our lives.

Two weeks into Mom's death, and I'd like to think we have started picking up the pieces and facing the realities of life head on.  It was what our Mommy would have wanted. Today, my youngest brother, Seal, went to class for the first time since Mom left us.  It was his decision to go back to school (he's in 2nd year HS), and it made us all heave sighs of relief.  Life must, and should go on, no matter how difficult it actually is.

Again and again, THANK YOU, dearest friends and family.  Your gestures will never be forgotten.  We are blessed to be surrounded with people like you.


With much love and gratitude,

Apryll & Rauf, with
Dwan, Niccolo, Bullet, Lian, Brikko & Seal
aka
Beebye's 7 Fighters