forms

three days after burying Mommy, i had to rush to the office to begin (and hopefully finish) collecting and collating the requirements i needed to attach to my scholarship application. 

it was october 28, the day i was supposed to leave for LA, and i couldn't help but be wistful of the fact that Mommy, the ever-supportive mother hen that she was, had been very excited and proud of me just three months before for getting my US visa on my own merits... even if i was grieving and faced with A MOUNTAIN (RANGE) of problems, i knew i had to face the music and fire away that application.  not for me, but for Mommy, who, i was sure, would not give me the end of day for giving up two opportunities for overseas travel in only one week.

so there i was, re-typing the whole application form because i couldn't tweak the .doc file and couldn't encode in the .pdf file, when i found it difficult to touch type...

mother's name... occupation: (big pause. tears roll down my cheeks...) DECEASED.

i called up my sister and couldn't get her on her cell. i texted her and e. 

and then i cried.

then i typed again...

and i just remembered to blog about this because i got a reminder today from personnel to submit my medical certificate to the sponsoring organization for them to process my application.

sigh.

i can't go to the hospital, ANY hospital, to get my lab tests done.

cannot.  will not.

not. just. yet.