Now that it's Rauf's turn, I find myself doing the same things Mom was doing. I prefer driving Rauf everywhere he goes. I'd rather wait in a coffee shop near his school while he's in class, making sure I'm the first one he sees when he gets out. I can only imagine the things I'd do when he goes on field trips, or starts to do things on his own... I know he'll be ok. But will I be ok?
I miss my Mom. I want to tell her so badly how sorry I am for 'driving her away' while I was growing up. After all, I was her first child. According to her, it was only with me that she was able to really focus on during my formative years. (Well, after that, the siblings just came & came & I was the one feeling neglected. Hehe.)
And it has come to pass that the vicious cycle of independence seems to be running thru Rauf's veins, strong & thick. I am relegated to the sidelines, waiting until he realizes that Mom is just around, watching over him like a hawk.
It's so hard to let go of my little boy, but I must. And I have.
He is growing up.
I am too :)
12 comments:
plang, you are blooming more and more into a beautiful mom to rauf as your mom was to all of you... so maalaga without losing her zest for motherhood! :) i am happy for you. :) i will continue to pray for you and rauf and your siblings too as my own little way of showing support. :)
i guess i will soon enter that phase. for now, needy pa si bea, especially when sick. it's all "mommy please." but i too, hope, she can experience the 'normal' childhood i had. but, i am very apprehensive, i doubt makayanan kong ipa-commute siya like how i did when i want an extra-curricular activity and there is no more school bus service.
i guess, kaya fussy moms din tayo now kasi ibang-iba na ang mundo ngayon...
We are -- ultimately -- what our parents are. Tita did a grand job by all of you, and if this is what you are taking with you in rearing Rauf gf, it's a hell of a legacy as anything. Just don't ever lose sight that Rauf does need a lot more to temper and strengthen him in the years to come.
And we'll always be here. :)
parang hindi ko kaya gawin yung to-the-highest-level stage mommy mode ni mommy. but since i grew up with that standard, oh how i try to give rauf what i had! ang hirap, 'no? haha :)
thanks for all the prayers & support! hugs!
to be honest, hindi pa rin nakaka-experience si rauf ng real metro manila commuting. taxi & trike pa lang within the neighborhood. hehe. ewan ko nga ba... baka when he's 7, kayanin ko na :))
and yes, ri, we can do this!!! :)
that is what scares me. that later, when i have to account for my hits & misses as a parent, i will be found lacking... because i am, technically, doing this solo. there's no one else to blame but me. pero bahala na. madami naman kayo na taga-remind :)))
hehe... this makes me remember my first day at school :) i came home with a pair of left-footed shoes. LOL
Janjan, I hope the shoes were of the same color & style naman? Hehe
Well they were... coz they were school-issued shoes :) I'm sad to say I'm still as absent-minded now as I was back in the day. Sigh
you're so rich talaga! school-issued shoes!!! i never had that :) hehehehe.
you never flunked Kinder 1 either :)
(for some reason, I'm actually quite proud that I did)
Seriously? You loved your teacher too much, I guess? :D
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