au revoir

goodbyes are painful.  whether it be said to a family member who has left us, or to a former flame, or an old companion, or a friend you may never see again, goodbyes are better left unsaid. but still, they have to be said.

i have said too many goodbyes the past year.  to francis magalona. to michael jackson. to former president cory aquino. to my good friend pearl.  to two former flames. (*wink*) to an old phone which i passed on to my brother nikko.  to old and new friends i met in tokyo. even to my room at the JICA tokyo international center, which was my home for 3 weeks.

and of course, the most painful goodbye i said was to my mom, when we were laying her to rest.
 
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how fast time flies.

a year ago, mom, dwan & i braved the rains and the long queues to la salle greenhills just to pay our respects to president cory.  i distinctly remember getting tired and hungry and cranky, but to the very end, mommy was in high spirits, never complaining, ever the jolly, talkative sunshine she always was (when she wasn't scolding any of us).

a year ago, i was in high spirits, planning for my trip to the US, after having grabbed the $650 MNL-LAX-MNL bargain fare from PAL (only to donate it two months later to Lucio Tan, because it was non-transferrable, non-refundable, and non-reroutable).

a year ago, i was basking in the giddiness of finally seeing rauf walk on his own, super busy writing legal memos and opinions, balancing the suddenly-growing-domestic-issues at home, going out with friends who i had to pep-talk as they were reviewing for the bar, helping plan Tagay! for AnWaray, and trying my damnedest to save a long-distance relationship that was kinda going nowhere.

a year ago, never in my wildest dreams did i even know that the coming election period would be my hardest, most challenging elections, and my real "first" for the presidential race.

the past months are proof that anything can happen, anytime. and that there will always be moments you will be unprepared for, but will embrace, nevertheless, as opportunities you have to make the most of, and as blessings you will be most grateful to receive.

i am at a crossroads, and no matter how much i wish my mom were with me now, i know that there are reasons why we (or i) were supposed to go through these on our own.

my farewells have been properly said to the semi-peacful life i used to live.  or better yet, let's just say "arrivederci, in three or six years." :)

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one of the first lessons bullet taught rauf was how to say "au revoir" with a flying kiss.  it started out as a "ba", then turned into "o-ba", and now, he says it properly "o-vwa."

when i leave home in the mornings and rauf is awake, granting that he's in a good mood, he would send me off with a hug and a smile, say "bye, mom!", and give me the sweetest flying kiss ever and say "au revoir!"

he is my reason for living.  just as we were mom's.