okay. for the record, i am a single mom who decided to leave my relationship when my son was six months old. it was not an easy decision (duh. whoever thinks that is NOT HUMAN.) but i made the choice. no regrets whatsoever. mea culpa, but life goes on. (and yes, i have commitment issues. way too many.)
this week, THREE friends in my concentric circles each went into relationship-crisis-mode one after the other. i kid you not. the first crisis for person 1 happened on tuesday. the next, for person 2, happened on wednesday night/thursday dawn. and the last, for person 3, happened last sunday but she decided to pour everything out to me on friday night. so i had a week full of the stuff really good drama shows are made of: complicated intertwinings of relationships, kids, kids from previous marriages, having a career and being more "powerful," money matters, property ownership, reasons for commitment, infidelity, blah-blah-blah.
what struck me was this: 2 out of 3, despite the issues, still admit that they love their respective partners.
that got me to thinking. because deep down, i realized i had to keep my mouth shut for fear that i may say something wrong. because i knew that they would somehow get back together with their respective partners because, yes, they can still "feel the love."
"mahal mo pa ba?"
"oo."
"e yun naman pala..."
"pero hindi ko na kayang magtiis."
"pero mahal mo?"
"i guess, but i'm really unhappy. feeling ko ginagago ako."
"mag-usap nalang kayo ng maayos. kung wala talagang effect, e di saka ka mag-decide."
"hmmmm... pero di na talaga ako masaya..."
circle circle circle... ad infinitum...
i'm a very good listener. i give good advice. and the big thing is, i walk my talk. so my friends love it when i'm on their side. but unlike before when i couldn't care less about the other party, ("pucha, kahit mahal mo, kung di ka na masaya, wag mo pilitin!") i have learned to tread more carefully when my friends say they still love their partners.
i know not everyone is as strong as me, that when i decide to call it quits, i mean it. marami na kong friends na nag-backtrack. buti nalang, never pa kong nasisi.
but seriously, seriously... i can't see myself unhappy in love. if i'm in love, i should be happy. if i think i'm unhappy, then it can't be love.
if that belief is wrong, hit me now. or else, let me bask in the beauty of happy singlehood forever.
8 comments:
i'm not a fan of absolutes. my degree in philosophy more or less etched that into my consciousness. :p
pero here's some food for thought...
i read somewhere that optimism and being happy are two very different things. you can be sad and optimistic by recognizing your sadness is just a phase and will pass soon. maybe that's the same difference for being in love and being happy. they're not really equivalent to one another but it would matter on how you would define love or define happiness in the first place. :)
i know i can never define "love" or "happiness". (but yes, i have tried) pero kung romantic love ang pag-uusapan, medyo ang tingin ko lang talaga, kung paulit-ulit yung mga problema of the same mold, at hindi ko kayang mag-stay dahil i'm unhappy about it, e di hindi ko talaga sya love.
pero ako yun. sabi ko nga sa friends ko, wala akong moral ascendancy. may rason kung bakit hanggang ngayon, wala akong relasyon na tumagal enough for me to commit. it's me. yes, it's always me.
i totally agree with you, plang... despite the minor and even major setbacks in a relationship, if the underlying happiness is still bigger than the issue, there is love... but without a reason to be happy in a union, then maybe we are deluding ourselves. i pray and i know you will ultimately find true happiness AND love! :)
oh yessss :) hope always floats. thanks pinky!
and for the record, i truly am happy and totally in love with rauf. hehe.
winner ito. :P
nakaka-relate? :D
but yes. hehehe.
plang i love this blog. i must admit that i was a little surprised by the honesty, coz back in our kalayaan days, i always thought you hold back on your true feelings (or ako ba yun? i'm confused na wahahaha). but anyway, this is one for the heart:)
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