DV (and i don't mean cheap shopping)

http://opinion.inquirer.net/opinion/columns/view_article.php?article_id=192141

AT LARGE At Large : Rihanna is new face of DV

By Rina Jimenez-David Columnist Philippine Daily Inquirer

Posted date: March 03, 2009

WASHINGTON, D.C. — As if to prove that domestic violence is a problem that confronts women of whatever age, whatever station in life, the biggest “DV” story these days is that of pop sensation Rihanna, 21, who is reported to have gone back together with singer Chris Brown, 19. The pair is said to be holed up in one of Sean “Diddy” Combs’ homes in Miami, three weeks after Brown was called in on charges of “attacking a woman” and making criminal threats just before the Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. Though Rihanna was not identified, photos of her bruised face were later released, lending credence to reports that she and Brown had gotten into a physical confrontation in the course of an argument. Brown was not formally charged, but he has said that he was “sorry and saddened,” adding that he was seeking counseling and hoped “to emerge a better person” from the experience. Rihanna herself has not commented on the incident, but thanked fans for the support they gave “during this difficult time.” In a related story, domestic violence experts were said to be dismayed “but not surprised” after learning of Rihanna’s and Brown’s reconciliation. The reunion is said to have taken place during Rihanna’s birthday, when Brown called to apologize. Before this, he was reported to have showered her with expensive gifts. “It makes perfect sense that she would go back to him,” said Madeline Garcia Bigelow, director of the domestic violence project at Manhattan’s Urban Justice Center, as quoted by the New York Daily News. “The reality is that when you’re in an intimate relationship with anyone you tend to give people chances.” Psychologist Dr. Jane Greer is concerned about what message Rihanna’s decision sends to her fans, many of them young women. “I think it sends a really negative message that it’s okay to remain in an abusive relationship and just to accept an apology and move on,” said Greer. * * * There’s even a name for what Rihanna and Brown have been through. Their story illustrates the “cycle of violence” in a relationship, when an incident of violence is followed by a period of remorse on the part of the abuser, who then begins to woo and court the victim. Gradually, professing his sincere remorse and apologizing profusely (and maybe professing his innocence or helplessness), he begins to win her over. Gradually, too, she begins to forget the tension, abuse and pain that attended the incident, and as the bruises fade and wounds heal, she begins to think that maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. Sadly, in too many cases, she may even convince herself that she was partly at fault, that she should have done things differently, said less, cared more. Of course, this isn’t called a “cycle of violence” for nothing. Because the honeymoon period is just temporary, and unless both of them take serious steps to address the violence, the tension is bound to build up until another blowup occurs and the same round of tension, of remorse and of reconciliation starts anew. What I hope Rihanna’s fans take away from this story is that you can be one of the coolest pop figures ever, earn millions of dollars, rack up hit after hit and be recognizable the world over, and yet still be vulnerable to domestic violence. It can happen to anyone, any woman. And your greatest protection will not be your fame or wealth, but rather your sense of self-esteem, the value you put on your person, and your determination to protect yourself whatever the cost. * * * Rihanna and Chris Brown are top of mind these days because I am in the middle of the Global Forum for Women and Justice being presented by the International Association of Women Judges (IAWJ), which convenes women judges and legal practitioners from all over the world “to discuss obstacles and solutions to eradicating violence against women.” I am in this city on the invitation of the Avon Foundation, which apart from supporting the Global Forum is also holding a follow-on conference on “Advancing Advocacy,” which includes discussions by international experts in the movement to end violence against women, as well as best practice sharing from Avon global markets and their NGO partners who have begun successful campaigns on this issue in their homelands. The Global Forum will feature keynote addresses by Andrea Jung, chair and CEO of Avon, as well as by Reese Witherspoon, award-winning actress and Avon Global Ambassador. An important development during the forum is the launch of the Avon Global Center for Women and Justice at Cornell Law School, and the creation of the Avon Program for Women and Justice. * * * I am sure that the speakers and participants at the Global Forum on Women and Justice will have in mind ways to protect and mitigate the damage done to women who find themselves imprisoned by silence and denial in an abusive relationship. Economic dependence and isolation make leaving a dangerous and life-threatening situation difficult, if not impossible. But there are other chains that hold back women: young children, fear of uncertainty and the unknown, the disapproval of family and society. The more romantic may even add “love,” and some women may in fact convince themselves that it is “love” — or perhaps empathy, affection, concern, even physical attraction — that keeps them tied to their abuser. In our discussions over the next few days, we will be keeping in mind women we know — cousins, aunts, friends, siblings, maybe even ourselves — who have been on the receiving end of violence. The fact that that line-up now includes a celebrity like Rihanna only shows us that violence is a scourge that affects all women, wherever they are, whatever it is they do.